Moving!

People: I have moved to hansmast.com

"Part tragedy, Part comedy"

Well, it seems that a certain Iraqi is vying to be the first from his country to qualify for the Winter Olympics. It's hilarious (bugmenot.com; "bill7000@msn.com" "bill"):

Faisal Faisal's Olympic dream appears to be just that -- a goal far out of reach, almost entirely unrealistic.

Don't you love his name? "Faisal Faisal" Nothing like making sure you get the point across, just do it twice. Can't you hear the crowds screaming: "Go Faisal, Faisal, Faisal, Faisal, Faisal...." At least it keeps it simple! =)

In 2006, he wants to become the first Iraqi athlete to compete in the Winter Olympics, but he can hardly describe the sport, skeleton, in which he hopes to qualify. It's fast and fun and it happens on ice, Faisal said. And in part thanks to the U.S. Olympic Committee, he's been hurtling down an icy track in Lake Placid, N.Y., for two weeks. He's successfully completed, he said proudly, 21 skeleton runs.

Let's just say that with him being the only Iraqi Winter Olympian, Iraq is sending a *snicker, snicker* skeleton crew....

Since he vowed in 1998 to one day represent his country in the Olympics, Faisal has tried five sports. He's suffered two panic attacks and a sleep disorder during a quest that, so far, has been part tragedy, part comedy.

A very tough determined guy who is trying very hard. He is a bright beacon of hope in that nation that has very little to have hope about right now. The articles goes on:

training with top-level coaches...U.S. Olympic athletes...hopes...compete...The USOC is heavily promoting Faisal's visit as a triumph of Olympic solidarity, one that could give Iraq a heartwarming story to parallel that of the country's soccer team in the 2004 Games in Athens.

I kind of condensed, but you get the idea. This is the kind of guy that Iraq needs in it's future and lots more like him. This is what Bush's dream of Democracy is all about. But then, the article descends back into the comedy of this guy from the desert competing in the Winter Olympics.

Not even the sport is important. Faisal left Iraq at 17 to study in Australia, where he quickly picked up skiing. During weekends off from school, he would travel seven hours by bus to a ski resort. With little concept of snow and no instruction, Faisal suffered a panic attack and eventually gave up the sport.

He tried snowboarding, which sometimes scared him so thoroughly he struggled to sleep. He tried to become a speedskater, then learned that he would not be eligible for the Olympics because Iraq did not have a single ice rink.

In September 2004, he considered ski jumping until a prospective coach looked at him and, perhaps picturing a man from the desert flying through the air and landing in snow, literally laughed in his face.

"A lot of times," Faisal said, "people thought my dream was a joke."

Our whole family thought it was a good joke as we sat around and had a good time roaring about it. (why my family is here instead of in India is another story altogether)

Not until last week did Faisal finally stumble upon a sport that fit him. Usually, coaches said, a first skeleton run is something to overcome.

At the speeds skeleton is performed and the danger involved, "stumbling" up the sport that fit him is an unfortunate analogy. More tragic irony ensues:

To do so, he'll also need certification from an organization that does not exist. All skeleton athletes most be certified to compete by their country's governing body for the sport, and Iraq has no such thing. Therefore Faisal is ineligible to participate in Olympic qualifying races.

Ahhh... can't you just imagine him trying those sports:

Instead of Mr. Philman it should be "Mr. Faisal Faisal Faisal....






Ooooh... OUCH!!

LA Times Lambasted

Patterico's Pontifications exhasutively details all the sins of the LA Times in the past year in giving unbalanced coverage. The two posts are specifically about LA Times articles, but provides a caricature of all MSM. I was proud to note that our local liberal paper, The Washington Post, was noted for saying the Dan Rather/60 Minutes/Bush Guard Documents were fabrications from the start "taking its cue from the blogosphere." Unfortunately, I think this was more a result of pragmatism and far-sightedness as to which way that the wind would blow, than high-mindedness. I think WasPost was also delighted to bash TV journalists in the age old print vs. TV battle. Without further commentary, go read for yourself:

Patterico's Los Angeles Dog Trainer Year in Review 2004 -- Part One: The 2004 Presidential Election
Patterico's Los Angeles Dog Trainer Year in Review 2004 -- Part Two

Pennsylvania Christians Face 47 Years In Prison For Reading The Bible In Public

Please read the following letter for news of a serious breach of First Amendment rights and more evidence of persecution of Christians. I received this letter from the AFA (American Family Assosciation):

Dear Hans,

What we have been saying has now happened. You cannot quote what the Bible has to say about homosexuality in public or you will be charged with a "hate crime." Philadelphia is only the beginning. If we fail to take a stand here, this "crime" will soon be applied across America.

In the 27 years of this ministry, I have never witnessed a more outrageous miscarriage of justice than what is happening in Philadelphia. Four Christians are facing up to 47-years in prison and $90,000 in fines for preaching the Gospel on a public sidewalk, a right fully protected by the First Amendment.

On October 10, 2004, the four Christians were arrested in Philadelphia. They are part of "Repent America." Along with founder Michael Marcavage, members of Repent America—with police approval--were preaching near "Outfest", a homosexual event, handing out Gospel literature and carrying banners with Biblical messages.

When they tried to speak, they were surrounded by a group of radical homosexual activists dubbed the Pink Angels. A videotape of the incident shows the "Pink Angels" interfering with the Christians’ movement on the street, holding up large pink symbols of angels to cover up the Christians' messages and blowing high pitched whistles to drown out their preaching.

Rather than arrest the homosexual activists and allow the Christians to exercise their First Amendment rights, the Philadelphia police arrested and jailed the Christians!

They were charged with eight crimes, including three felonies: possession of instruments of crime (a bullhorn), ethnic intimidation (saying that homosexuality is a sin), and inciting a riot (reading from the Bible some passages relating to homosexuality) despite the fact that no riot occurred.

You may think I am exaggerating. I'm not. Our AFA Center for Law and Policy is representing these four individuals at no cost. We will take this case all the way to the Supreme Court if necessary to get justice.

There is so much more about this case I don't have room for it in this letter. We have prepared a 25-minute VHS/DVD in which two AFA-CLP attorneys discuss the case in detail.

Please help us with our expenses in representing these committed Christians. With your tax-deductible gift of $15, less than the cost of a cup of coffee once a month for the next year, we will send your choice of either the VHS or DVD. Watch the VHS/DVD, then share it with your Sunday school class and church. This VHS/DVD should be required viewing in every church in America.

Click here to get your copy of the Philadelphia 4 Story

Thanks for caring enough to get involved. We must not allow this travesty of justice to continue.

Sincerely,
Don
Donald E. Wildmon, Founder and Chairman
American Family Association

P.S. Please forward this email to family and friends.

For those who live in PA, contact your representatives and senators expressing outrage at this frivolous arrest. If you want to contribute to their legal defense, follow the instructions above.

Very, Very Danger

Warning! Your Lesson For The Day:

Here's a handy formula you may want to write down: Finger food + Tabasco sauce + itchy eye = Danger. Very very danger. You may want to stick it on your refrigerator to remind yourself. I know I will.

Skiing and Getting Sick

Yesterday we (Benji, Heidi, Patrick, Michelle, Tony & Glen) went skiing at Massanutten. We had a great time! We got there and I tried in vain to get my borrowed ski boots on. I took them back out to the van and rented some instead. I rented a locker for $1. The thing was, it charged a dollar every time you opened it. I put in my duffel bag and forgot that my cap and gloves were in there. I soon realized it and opened my locker to get them. I retrieved them and closed it again and inserted another dollar. As I turned the key, I did it wrong and opened it again. I put in another dollar. I went out to the ski slope and got ready to get on the lift. I saw Tony giving his gloves to Benji. I had a brain wave and remembered that I had seen another pair of gloves in my bag. I went over and gave Tony the key so that he could retrieve the gloves. Another dollar...

I had a great time skiing Rebel's Yell most of the evening (we went night skiing). One time someone cut in front of me and I executed a radical maneuver to avoid them. I fell and my skis popped off. I tried in vain for about twenty minutes to get my ski boots back on my skis. I finally trudged back to the top of Rebel's Yell and asked a ski patrol guy for help. He said it was one of the weirdest things he ever saw, and said that he didn't have a clue how to get it back on. So they sent me back down on the ski lift; they called it downloading; not how I usually think of downloading =). On the way down I met Patrick and Michelle coming up. I told them my skis broke, and Patrick was like, "Yeaaahh... Sure...." They had called and told the guy at the bottom that I was coming, but he had forgotten all about it. As I was coming in, I could tell that he didn't see me, so I yelled "DOWNLOAD!" a couple of times. He finally heard me and stopped the lift. It was pretty late in the game when he finally managed to get it stopped and two young ladies had almost landed in my lap because they were about to ride up on the chair that I was coming down on. My ski boots also got stuck under the lift and it took a little wiggling to get them out.

On the way up in the lift one time we had fun laughing at first timers Tony and Glen as the tumbled and swerved down the hill. One time Benji, Patrick, Michelle, and I were all at the top of Rebel's Yell together. Patrick went first. He went almost straight down! He was flying! I came at only a slightly reduced speed behind him. Benji was quite a bit slower than I was and Michelle was slower than us all. I came over a little rise in the hill and I see Patrick clomping as fast as he can in his ski boots up the hill. He had gone too fast. As he was flying down the hill, his skis decided to stay where they were, and he kept going. He did a complete somersault in the air and landed on his feet. He was running for all he was worth back up to his skis cuz he wanted to beat me to the bottom. I started roaring with laughter as I flew by him. Needless to say I beat!

As we drove out of Massanutten all of a sudden our headlights illuminated two cop cars sitting beside each other. The one turned on its headlights, did a U-turn, and fell in behind us. Tony who was driving and I who was in the passenger's seat were the only ones who noticed it. We were both like, "Oh crap..." It followed us a bit to see if we would go any faster. We didn't. He turned on his lights and Tony pulled over. He came up and asked for registration. I dug through the glove compartment looking for it. I handed it to him. He said that that was the insurance. I called Dad to ask him where it was. He wasn't sure. The cop finally said "Forget it..." About that time the other cop went by with his lights on chasing someone else. He said that he would have to issue a citation for going 57 in a 40. Some very uncomplimentary things were said about cops while he was back writing out the ticket. It was a bit nasty how they had it set up there. People are coming down this hill in automatics and are going faster than they are trying to... I later thought about it that another reason that he followed us for a bit before turning on his lights was that it would have ruined his buddy's speed trap. The ticket ticked Tony off so much that later when we stopped to eat (none of us had had supper and were famished) he didn't eat anything. We jammed out to the Shrek soundtrack on the way home.

We all stumbled wearily and sorely to bed at about 1:30 AM. Patrick stayed at our house for the night rather than driving all the way home. This morning when I awoke, I could barely move, I was so sore. I slept til 11:30 or so. I tried to get up and then I realized: I was sick. Jeff Nisly (of Software Builders) emailed me the other day saying that some computer programmers from Kansas thought that it was about time I updated my blog. Well, they got their wish. With this next portion, I think maybe the old saying comes into play, "Watch what you wish for, or it might come true."

I have not been this sick for a LONG time. For you vitamin aficionados, consider this: The last ten days is the first time in the last couple of years that I stopped taking my multi-vitamin (we have been out). Now I get sick for the first time in years. All of my shoulders and the back of my neck is totally stiff and hurts if I move just a little bit. I have a fever. One time I touched the metal chest beside my bed and jerked back in pain at how severely cold it felt. I haven't had the privelige of losing consciousness. When I am awake, I hallucinate. When I am asleep I dream nightmares. My throat hurts. I have a roaring headache. I have experienced different kinds of headaches. One kind where the pain twists through my head, another where it is at my temples, and another where it is a double headache. Both halves of my head ache with a strip of no-hurt running right down the middle. I alternately sweat and shiver. Pile on the blankers, throw them off. Analgesics moderate my suffering somewhat, but not entirely. I feel the need to put my life in order so that I am ready to die, for two reasons: 1. I feel like I might die. 2. I think I have a better idea of what hell is like. I have briefly thought of suicide, but PTL only briefly; I am in retention of my intellect enough to realize how stupid and retarded that would be. Disjointed poems and songs run through my head; portions of The Raven, by Edgar Allen Poe:

"Once upon a midnight dreary, while I pondered, weak and weary, Over many a quaint and curious volume of forgotten lore, While I nodded, nearly napping...". "Ah, distinctly I remember, it was in the bleak December, Eagerly I wished the morrow; vainly I had sought to borrow ...surcease of sorrow" "And the silken sad uncertain rustling of each purple curtain Thrilled me---filled me with fantastic terrors never felt before; So that now, to still the beating of my heart, I stood repeating,"

Amazing how much of that applied to me! Also Simon & Garfunkel's Homeward Bound:

But all my words come back to me In shades of mediocrity Like emptyness in harmony I need someone to comfort me

I am on the Youth Committee and so we are having tonight's New Year's party at our house. I am course am sick... grrr... Mom brought me some of the pizza they had for supper. I guess it was because I was sick, but it was most unusual: About thirty seconds after I would eat each piece, my south end would rumble for about 5 seconds. Man, if everyone would be sick all the time, the world's energy needs could be solved in a hurry. As a precaution, I put on some clothes before they came. I would never live it down if in my hallucinatory stumblings I ran out in front of the entire youth group in my skivvies. If my writings tonight seem to ramble and seem a bit off the wall, it is because I am still sick. I am writing this from my room on a laptop with a Wi-Fi connection to our network. Let's just say that I'm getting my hangover earlier than most people do on New Year's Eve.

Funny Comment on Rachel's Blog

LOL! Rachel posted a funny comment:

hmm hans left a comment on my xanga.. and he wanted to talk to me on the phone not too long ago... *gives topic some thought* *runs away screaming in terror* j/k

Of course she doesn't mention the content of my comment:

You should immediately seek professional help. The symptoms are quite serious.

Which was in reply to this post on her blog:

I...am updating!*gasps from the crowd*
But...what am I updating about?
I...do not know!
So...there!

And the reason I wanted to talk to her on the phone (which lasted all of 9 seconds)? To ask her if Ted had a certain CD that I was going to get him for Christmas.

Here is a transcript of our chat:

ted says:
did you read rachel's comment on her xanga?
starrsoft says:
which one?
ted says:
in reply to the one you left
starrsoft says:
nope starrsoft says:
lemme check
starrsoft says:
LOL!!
starrsoft says:
hilarious
ted says:
=)
ted says:
CJ says:
=)
starrsoft says:
don't blame the poor thing; tell her i hope she doesn't have nightmares
ted says:
heeheehee
starrsoft says:
that whole line of thought for me might induce some sleep screaming and walking
ted says:
CJ says:
tell him i laughed

Dear, Dates @ Olive Garden, & Wedding Bells

I must admit to a deliberate misspelling in my title. I spelled "Deer" as "Dear" so that it would go along with this post's theme. But, for those that didn't know, here are our family's hunting adventures: Heidi and Dad went hunting together during muzzleloader season. They took both muzzleloaders. They thought both had been (muzzle)loaded. Some deer came walking along. So as to avoid having Heidi blown into the next dimension, Dad was the one that raised his gun to shoot one of the deer. Dad drew a bead on it. He pulled the trigger. BANG! The cap went off. The main charge didn't. It wasn't loaded. He grabbed the other gun (which was) and tried to aim, but the alerted deer had vacated the area in record time. Benji got a deer in the woods that uncomfortable, old fashioned way with a muzzleloader (which btw are .54 cal with .50 sabots). Another time Dad was sitting in the office and he saw some deer run across the field, so he went out on the porch with his .243 to shoot them. He forgot to take the safety off. So he spent a few desperate moments trying to get the safety off. He then shot one. Another time he was on the phone with Lorene when he saw two deer run across. He stuttered, stammered, and yelped something to Lorene on the phone and slammed it down. He ran out and shot both. He has said before that he needs to write a book: Hunting for Dummies or City Slicker's Guide to Hunting. One night as Patrick and Michelle (Michelle lives in our basement, works at at GRT/GRC, is Patrick's gf) were coming home from church, they saw an injured deer dragging its hiney across our yard. It's total back end was injured. Another deer was running along beside it. The other deer would run a bit, and then wait for the injured one. They sat and watched it for a while; Michelle was begging Patrick to put it out of its misery. So he finally got his 12 gauge and put a load of buckshot into it. At this point both deer took off. When we came home, Patrick asked if he could use our flashlight to find it. We gave him a spotlight and a big flashlight, and we all (Myself, Benji, Kristi, Michelle, and Patrick) went down in Patrick's truck to look. Later Dad brought our truck down (with Heidi, Darren, Brandon, and Dietrich in it) to help look. Finally after about an hour, everyone except Benji and Patrick went in. They finally found a puddle of blood and tracked it for a long (1/2 mi, through woods) ways. They lost it at Cedar Run. They finally came in about 1:30 AM. Now IMHO someone had some messed up priorities as far as sleep and deer are concerned... =) btw, I misspelled (purposely) two words in this paragraph; if you find them, leave a comment. (Pretty sly trick to get people to leave comments, eh?)

A couple of weeks ago Mom & Dad went on a date to Olive Garden. As they were eating, their waiteress came over to them and asked them if they knew the man that had been sitting across from them. They said, "No. Why? Didn't he pay?" The waitress laughed and said, "No! On the contrary he paid for yours, too! He handed me two $20 bills and a note saying that this is to pay for the dinner of the couple across from me: the man with the beard and his wife." Mom & Dad were a bit shellshocked. Dad, in typical fashion, had compiled a total bill of $20 for the two of them. The rest went as tip to the waiteress. Later we speculated: Did this guy do this regularly? Had he decided to give because he saw Mom's veiling? Had he seen the hole in Dad's sock and felt sorry for these poor people? Had he just been in a generous mood? In any case, they greatly appreciated it, as did, I am sure, the waiteress.

There has been an interesting comment thread over at 'Nina's blog:

LOL christmas is a comin and the bells begin to ring . . . ( uh we wont say WHICH bells)
Posted 12/6/2004 at 2:31 PM by JOYOFTHELORD

Wedding bells?
Posted 12/7/2004 at 8:55 PM by cowgirlfan_15

Who's getting married? I wanna go!
Posted 12/8/2004 at 10:52 AM by gospelpianist

It's me. [hey! you never told me!]
Posted 12/8/2004 at 6:50 PM by klone343

Yeah right, Ted! Naomi, I would think you would know the answer to that one...JUST KIDDING!...Love Comes Softly!......I am just teasing! [trippy, you are a trip as always! It was such fun reading your comment! I'm still trying to figure out what you said, though.]
Posted 12/8/2004 at 8:40 PM by TRIP_ME_UP

Ted is getting married.. to Nina! [Sisters....]
Posted 12/9/2004 at 6:57 PM by CJ91

Who told you? [Who didn't tell ME would be a more pertinent question Mr. Robb!!]
Posted 12/9/2004 at 6:58 PM by klone343

An angel.. the bells are already ringing up there! [It took me about five readings of the entire comment thread before I realized what you were saying...]
Posted 12/9/2004 at 7:00 PM by CJ91

Hahaha.
Posted 12/9/2004 at 7:00 PM by klone343

I'm so funny
Posted 12/9/2004 at 7:01 PM by CJ91

Ok guys, the wedding is in 10 years from now and you're all invited. We'll be having chocolate cake with white icing and yellow decorations and all the cups will be pink. So make sure you don't miss it. [Way to take charge!]
Posted 12/9/2004 at 9:58 PM by klone343

are you sure it isnt more like just three years? [A change of plans? erm, Susie, that would make 'Nina 18 and Ted 20... Don't get in such a rush...]
Posted 12/10/2004 at 12:43 PM by JOYOFTHELORD

Funny - I'd had the same thought - about the couple, I mean - but didn't say it first. Obviously. [Yeah, that was obvious. Very witty comment. That last sentence wasn't sarcastic; I don't think...]
Posted 12/10/2004 at 6:08 PM by gospelpianist

Hey, I'm rotfl!!! [Uh, no offense, Naomi, but it's ROFL. =)]
Posted 12/10/2004 at 6:11 PM by gospelpianist

great minds think alike [so do the not so great]
Posted 12/10/2004 at 8:32 PM by CJ91

Ted, gross decorations. [Ha! I found an out!] The wedding is [so like totally] off. well in [you know, like] 10 yrs. I will be 25 [oh, my goodness] :S and than i will probably be married by than [erm, isn't that supposeed to be "then" not "than"?] soooo.....
Posted 12/10/2004 at 10:00 PM by cowgirlfan_15

Whoops, Ted, looks like your bride's getting cold feet! [praise the lord! I was starting to think he was a goner... *whew*]
Posted 12/11/2004 at 10:17 AM by gospelpianist

Doh, [Doh?!?!? Doh!?! Is this to say that you wanted this?] guess I should've check w/ her before I decided on ze decor. [glad you didn't]
Posted 12/11/2004 at 11:59 AM by klone343

In case nobody knows it was 'Nina who suggested 10 years. Also in case nobody knows 'Nina coulda deleted all these comments, but she preferred to keep them on. =)
Posted 12/11/2004 at 4:39 PM by starrsoft

Update:
Ted IMed me and asked me to add his latest comment. I think that he was getting worried after I told him that the Youth Group was talking about it this morning at breakfast (we all met and had a wonderful breakfast).

In case nobody knows, it's all a big fat joke. [Yep! We know! And it sure is funny!]
Posted 12/11/2004 at 5:34 PM by klone343

Update #2:
As Ted said: "you tried to misspell misspelling but misspelled the misspelling" I tried, in my first paragraph to misspell misspelling and misspelled but I accidentally spelled them right!

Eternally Rumsfeld and Unsolomonic

Even though it makes fun of Prez Bush and Cabinet, here's quite a funny op-ed:

Eternally Rumsfeld (go read the read the rest of it)
By Harold Meyerson

WASHINGTON, Dec. 8, 2016 -- President-elect George P. Bush announced today that he would reappoint Donald Rumsfeld to another term as secretary of defense. Rumsfeld has served in that position since he was appointed by President George W. Bush in 2001. After serving two terms in George W. Bush's administration, Rumsfeld served an additional two terms in the subsequent administration of President Jeb Bush. His 16 consecutive years heading the Pentagon is the longest uninterrupted tenure of any defense secretary, and that doesn't include the nearly two years he served in that post under President Gerald Ford. Rumsfeld is 84.

Meanwhile The Post takes a convulted, hypocritical view of the Solomon Amendment that's being challenged in the courts. Here's the crux of the issue at hand:

Numerous law schools, because of the military's "don't ask, don't tell" policy toward gays and lesbians, balked at assisting military recruiters, on the grounds that school policies forbid helping organizations that discriminate on the basis of sexual orientation. When the military, after the Sept. 11 attacks, started enforcing the law more aggressively, the law schools went to court, arguing that it violated their First Amendment rights.

They state they issue in a straightforward way, but then they go on (emphasis added):

In the meantime, however, the law schools face a difficult question. They would never allow a private employer who openly discriminated against gays and lesbians -- or, for that matter, against Catholics or African Americans -- to avail themselves of their career services.

LOL! These are the mainstays of discrimanatory Affirmative Action!! Then they go on; they don't want the military there, but they would like to get liberal lawyers in the military to bridge the "cultural gulf that already divides elite universities from the armed services." Talk about wanting to have your cake and eat it too. Oh, and decrying a practice that they themselves are practicing.

Power Line has done a much better job covering this: Philosophizing disgrace, An Unsolomonic decision, Unsolomonic...and unfair, Unsolomonic...and erroneous. Also notice that Power Line came up with this Unsolomonic title way before the Post did.